


The World We Live In

by ls00



Category: Gundam 00
Genre: Drabble Collection, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29917212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ls00/pseuds/ls00
Summary: Drabble/wip collection primarily focused on the Dylandy twins. Some slight AUs involved will be denoted as such in summaries.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	1. Smoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drabble

It was all around him. The smell stuck to his clothes, his hair, his skin. It stung his eyes and choked him harshly. It was something he could never get used to, not like he wanted to anyways.

He had always hated the smell, loved when his mother told their father to take it outside or gave him some candy to put in his mouth instead. Unpleasant was the only way to describe it. He was glad his father had quit after Amy was born and the smell was no longer around the porch, his favorite place to clear his head when Lyle had been around and took over their room. Ma had told him not to when he grew up and he’d responded “I never even thought about it.”

The smell was everywhere. It was harsh and he felt his lungs being squeezed tight. If it was that bad out here, Amy and Ma must have been choking. Pa might have been fine, the smell and texture in the air no different than what it was when he did back then. His limbs felt heavy and his breath was strained. He couldn’t move an inch. Yet his body had stepped forward from where he’d been thrown. He could open his mouth yet there was a scream that used up whatever little breath he’d had left. It hurt. His leg had been twisted and his ribs slammed against the pavement harder than he’d ever been thrown by the kids who used to pick at Lyle. 

He cried as he stared down the remains. People had already started rushing past him to pick up the large chunks that had fallen everywhere. Rushing past him as if he wasn’t there. He couldn’t blame them. He wasn’t sure if he was there either. Nothing felt real but what kind of sick game had he and Lyle played that would make him dream this up. 

It was Amy’s birthday, it was no time for this. He had to go get the balloon Pa was too tired to get for her. He had to make sure that when they got home he gave her the present he’d saved up all of his allowance for. There was so much to do. He couldn’t be daydreaming like this. Amy would be upset.

But it wasn’t that. He knew what had just happened, or at least part of it. Someone had blown up the mall. 

Deafeningly there was a sound, he hadn’t heard the first one but this one was clear and he felt like his ear was going to bleed from how it rattled him to his core.

He’d fallen to his knees, his eyes never left the first building. But why was there a first? Shouldn’t it have been the only one? This had to be some kind of leak or something...it had to be. Maybe it caused a chain reaction, maybe they had just been unfortunate enough to be around when it happened. Maybe there was no malice, no one he needed to punch with all his heart.

Now it was distant, the voices around him. They were tending to others. He could hear them softly but he could not place them. He could not hear the ones he’d wanted to. He wanted to hear Ma and Pa calling out his name and Amy crying and all coming up to hug him tighter than he’d ever been before. If they hugged him tight enough maybe he’d stop shaking so much. 

  
  


——

She could hardly see. Her eyes were open she knew but the tight space had allowed for no light to seep in. What was she doing before? She was on the bench, making sure Amy didn’t make a mess of the ice cream she’d gotten. They were waiting on Neil to get back with the balloon since it was on the other side of the mall from where they’d parked. Amy wanted one and Neil was never one to deny her, especially on a day like this. So why was she on the ground now. Where was Owen?

When she turned her head behind her after her eyes adjusted she wished she hadn’t asked the question. It was like a scene from a movie made in poor taste. While the events were hardly any clearer, she remembered one thing that had made her heart stop even more than the noise it had made.

Owen had seen something she didn’t-of course she didn’t, she was trying to make sure Amy was safe- and he’d thrown her and their daughter out of the way and instead took what had been meant for them. He had been pinned under a piece of the roofing, his arm caught under and his neck bent in a way it shouldn’t have. It didn’t take a medic to know.

“...M-Ma, what...what happened?”

Somehow she’d missed it. Amy hadn’t been as close as she’d wanted when the roof finally fell in. A little ways away, she’d been pinned, the only thing Lynsday could see was her top half. 

Her instinct was to rush over, gently close those sweet eyes that should have never been witness to this, hold her as tightly as she could and simply pray that God had mercy on them but in looking after her two loved ones she’d forgotten she had been stuck under here as well. Her right arm was pinned and as she tried to move up to hold Amy, she felt something holding her in place. It must have been rebar or some large shard of glass. She wanted to cry out. How could something like this keep her from comforting her baby? It hurt, but nothing hurt more than seeing Amy like this.

She moved as far as she was allowed, the weight of the rubble above her looking like it’d collapse if she moved any further. What little shelter her and Amy had would be gone and they’d be subjected to what she could only think of as the flames of hell. So she settled.

Her hand gently caressed Amy’s cheek and wiped away what mess had been made on the side of her lip. She gave the best smile she could in the circumstance and looked Amy in the eyes.

“Don’t worry, Mommy is right here. I won’t leave you, I promise so please, stay awake for Mommy.” She hated to admit it, but there was so slim a chance. The mall was so large and if the muffled sounds she heard now were anything to go by, there had been more incidents like this nearby. There was still so much she had wanted to do. So much Amy and Owen had wanted to do. Lyle was finally going to come home and Neil had finally been acting his age instead of trying to grow up too fast.

“But Amy, it’s ok if you can’t... Mommy will fall asleep with you too.”

It was difficult to even open her eyes anymore. Amy had already closed hers and her pulse had slowed steadily. 

“Mommy...I love you.” 

Lynsday had almost let her tears fall. She’d have enough time to cry afterwards.

“I love you too, Amy.”

Lynsday felt a weight ease off her shoulders. Somewhere, she was glad it was only her imagination. She might have just cried if it had been real.

She laughed at that and closed her eyes, laying her head down on the cold concrete.

“Neil...I hope...at least you made it out. Lyle acts so tough but...even he...even he needs someo…”

—

He was aware they didn’t smell the same. One had been a light annoyance to his nose while the other had prevented him from breathing. He could only think “so what” when he reminded himself. 

He and Lyle had been completely different from one another but that had never stopped people from getting them mixed up or associating a name with the wrong one. 

It had been rough. Once he had first started his ‘job’ it seemed like everyone had done it. It unnerved him. His hands would shake and he’d feel himself tense, keenly listening out for the sound of the next bomb that would shake his life. Despite it, he had never caused an incident. He couldn’t. He wasn’t living for himself. He was living for Lyle too. He had to be strong enough for the both of them so Lyle didn’t have to. It hurt but he had to if he wanted to make sure Lyle had a future that everyone could be proud of.

The first time he killed, his finger had easily pulled the trigger, his eyes so focused they nearly popped out of his head. He had hunted with his father, knew well how to use a rifle. He had even convinced his father to buy him the one he had wanted from the range they often visited and his father had kept it locked up until he had gotten older. It had only been in there for around a month before he’d taken it out and ran away with it, along with several of the other pistols that had been kept there. 

The aid they had been provided by the military had been barely enough to get by and while he appreciated concern from their relatives, he knew it wouldn’t go over well. 

Everyone would have taken Lyle from where he had wanted to be, the one place where he had finally seemed to blossom into who he really was. 

Neil had felt conflicted at the way Lyle had talked about it. After his first break home for Christmas, he was overjoyed and went on about how wonderful the dorm life was. It hurt to hear it but Lyle hadn’t smiled like that in a long time. He couldn’t take that away from him. Not then and not now. 

The life he’d taken would be given to Lyle. It wasn’t like he cared much about his targets anyways. As long as he could provide Lyle the money he needed to stay in school and a little extra to live well, he felt like he could shoot anyone.

He couldn’t really remember how he’d first met the woman but it couldn’t have been pleasant. The smoke he had smelled on her only served to cover a smell that was far worse and reminded him far more of that day. He didn’t know how to go about these things. All he knew was that for Lyle’s future, he had to. 

He couldn’t move forward but for now he’d have to push himself. He wasn’t going to let them both fall out of grace.

\----------

He had never minded the smell. Not back then nor now. When he had seen Neil again for the first time since New Year's, that smell had clung to him and he had to hold him tighter. Somewhere in that, he had ended up as the one with arms holding him close and tight and dirty fingers clearing the tears from his eyes.

The smell was nostalgic. The first time he tried that was the only thing he could think.

"Ah, it's just like the good old days."

It calmed him, that soft scent tickled his nose and the smoke had covered the scars on his heart.

Neil had always hated it. 

Before Amy was born, he'd always come back to their room with a frown on his face.

"What's wrong?"

"Pa's smoking on the porch again," was all he needed to say. His expression did the rest of the work when it came to why he'd come back in.

Lyle had patted the small cushion next to him in front of their TV, a controller was already sitting in front of it. Neil needed no more than that to smirk and find his way beside him.

"I wasn't going to ask," he said but that had been a lie. He had simply never had the chance to bother his brother who had begun to seem so busy. " But I got stuck and couldn't figure it out." Neil knew it too despite the innocent face Lyle wore as he had completely sunken into the cushion, prepared to never move again.

He had smiled and shook his head as he took the controller into his hands. Player One had started moving and Neil seemed easily to reacquaint himself with the game he hadn't touched in months.

"What would you do without me?"

The question didn't need an answer because he'd never be without him.

He had hated every moment of being compared to him. He could never understand how people could mix them up but it had happened so often it made him sick. 

He had never hated Neil, never in his life imagined he could. Neil was always there for him, even when he wasn't. From the moment they had both been brought into the world and he could only imagine them going out of it together when the time came.

What would he do without him? The answer was obvious! He'd cry.

His eyes might not have shown his tears but his heart would. There was a reason he was always the little brother.

That smell had been his best friend then. It was no match at all for the protection Neil had given him but he had gotten drunk on it all the same. It brought him memories of a time he would never forget. He had to move forward now.

The smoke provided a nice cover to keep him strong.

\-------

"Lyle?"

Neil had followed him outside, untouched drink in hand. His first response was not to reply but to search deeply for what was going to happen next in his brother's movements.

He set his drink down on the banister and side by side their cups looked identical, filled to the exact same line and overflowing the rim the tiniest bit. This would actually be his first time drinking together with him. 

Maybe now was a good time to respond. He took the cigarette from his lips and held it loosely between his fingers. He had finally caught what he'd been looking for but a little too late to stop what was coming next.

"Yeah?"

His reply was met with gloved fingers squishing the lit end and flicking the small joy from his fingers. He knew it was coming but it still had surprised him and more than anything had made him a little sad. 

There was no better place to do that than here. 

One of the days he had come out to this porch to find his father rocking on the swing, a small cigarette between his fingers. The smell was strong but he didn't mind. He had jumped up onto the swing and curled up next to him, his father's free hand held him tightly and he could smell the lingering smoke long after he'd burned down to the last of it. It was a little joy he had, that time he could spend, a time where it had just been him and no one else with him. It felt selfish but as long as his father had been smoking, no one seemed to mind Lyle monopolizing the time.

And here now the small cigarette had joined a few scattered others on the porch. All the others had been weathered heavily but there had been the one now that looked pristine against them. He remembered why they were there too. In a haste, their father had always quickly stomped them out and left. It was litter but no one dared to touch that piece of history.

Lyle's heart felt heavy then and he opened his mouth to yell at Neil but before he could get a word out, a lollipop had been placed in his mouth.

He must have been making a face because Neil had laughed like he always did when Lyle had done something stupid with their face. It was nostalgic.

The two of them had been peaking one day, the window over the kitchen sink was perfect for looking onto the porch. They'd seen their mother and father sitting together for a bit. Their father had gone to pull out a cigarette, had almost lit it too before their mother had pulled it out of his finger and stuffed a small chocolate between his lips. They had gagged at that and immediately left to go upstairs to their room. Unbeknownst to them, their mother was having a laugh at all the wonderful boys she was fortunate enough to care for.

That was right, he didn't need it now. It had only ever been a pale imitation anyways but now more than ever he felt glad. He wouldn't need it ever again. He could forgo that smell that had never quite stuck to him the way it had everyone around him. Neil was here now. 

As Lyle's frown died down and he took in the sourness of the hard lollipop, Neil had looked him dead in the eye and smiled in a way he hadn't seen forever. 

"No smoking."


	2. Memories of The Mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wip

The air was filled with the sounds of everyday life. The chattering teeth of tourists who hadn’t adjusted to the familiar cold of Ireland, children’s shoes pitter-patter as they ran on the pavement ,and the sounds of parents who told them not to stray too far from their sides. It wasn’t as cold as it usually was this time of year. The beams of warmth had made it clear today was no day for rain. There was not a cloud in the sky to cover the magnificence of the sun.

Maybe that was why they’d gone out that day. He couldn’t say he remembered well the reason. Amy had been excited and their parents had been doting on her all morning long. Oh, she’d gotten a call from Lyle too. It must have been her birthday. He never talked to them much these days unless it was that or time for him to come back home for the holidays. It was a Saturday and he had told everyone he was sorry he couldn’t come. He had midterms coming up and he had to study.  _ As if.  _ Lyle didn’t need to study but Mom had beamed hearing he was trying so hard and Dad had a smile that led on to much the same.

Regardless of him, the four had set off early that morning. The mall was always packed but Amy was determined to go today. The influx of birthday money meant she would be able to spend almost as much as she pleased. She wasn’t much into make up but she had complained to Mom earlier about not having enough colors of nail polish or not having enough dresses to switch between for Sunday. The troubles of a nine- wait, it was her birthday so ten- year old girl were far beyond him. He had settled for getting her a card, some candy, and something not even their parents knew he’d gotten. Well  _ they  _ had gotten. He rarely spoke to Lyle but there were times when the two had been on the same wavelength and couldn’t help themselves. He wanted to hurry home so he could give it to her but he couldn’t let his impatience show. He had an image to keep.

He was in those years of his life after all. He cared about his family more than anything but there were some things he’d started finding himself embarrassed to do, rather embarrassed to admit. The acts themselves were no problem but he’d come to find that Amy’s and his mother’s kisses or tight hugs when he was around his friends had started to turn his cheeks a rosy color when in the past he’d been the one to make them blush so badly. 

Today was Amy’s birthday but he still needed to act his part. The big brother who would always cave in the end. He couldn’t resist the requests of others. He’d call it an act but Dad said he was just growing into the type of man he’d be. Neil wanted to make sure that man wasn’t so easily walked over but he didn’t want to be as stoic as Lyle was turning out to be. One night when he was supposed to be asleep, he’d overheard from upstairs mother and father speaking downstairs. The conversation had surprised him a little and there was one sentence that had explained why he acted as he did now.

“Neil must have taken all the enthusiasm in the womb.”

He couldn’t remember if it was mom or dad who said it but that night he felt a little guilty. He couldn’t help what had happened in there, Lyle probably had kicked him a few times and that was Neil’s revenge but he didn’t like that idea, especially coming from his parents. So he acted like this now.

They had gotten to the mall around eleven. Amy jumped out of the car and onto dad’s back. At first he thought she would be embarrassed at the childishness of being carried around but she seemed more like she wanted to rub it in someone’s face. ‘ _Yeah I’m ten, but my papa still carries me like I’m his little princess._ ’ was the voice he’d heard in his head as he looked up at her gazing down on everyone from the throne of their father’s back. Despite the warm weather, he knew not to be fooled. He wore a windbreaker over his shirt just to make sure he wouldn’t be caught off by the rain. Everyone else had been confident that Amy’s welcoming smile would keep the sun on them until they made their way home that evening. They were having stew tonight and no matter what day it was, when mom cooked her stew the noise of the house was contained to the kitchen. Even dad had acted like a kid, asking to taste test before it was done or begging to get extra, more than anyone else, once the table had finished its first helping. Only Amy would get that honor today.

The first stop was a dress shop. There were dresses of all colors, shapes, designs, and anything you could name as far as the eye could see. He wasn’t into this kind of stuff but there were dresses here he found himself seeing the girls in his class in. It was never any one in particular, to do that would be to make her the scorn of the rest. He was considerate of his status when he thought of these things, but he couldn’t pretend that the dress which caught his eye the most belonged to only one particular girl.

He felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and turned to look at his father who’s approving gaze saw right through him.

“Thinking of buying something for your girlfriend?”

Amy had jumped off of his shoulders and was exploring the juniors section with mom. Neil had tensed up and turned on his heel before looking down. There was no hiding the red that flooded his face.

“O-of course not! I was thinking that it was something Amy would like…”

That was a lie and he said it in a way that made it very apparent it was. Amy liked things that teetered a certain edge between mature and fairytale princess. The dress that had captivated his eyes was nothing but a fairytale princess. The ruffles on the shoulders and at the bottom of the long dress were feminine in the most girly way. The clearest image he had of such was when mom put Amy in nothing but ruffles on their trips to church Sunday morning. Back then she had adored it but slowly she’d grown out of it into something less...over the top.

There was a booming laughter from beside him and a few pats on his back. His dad had kneeled down a little bit and gave him a wink.

“Your secret is safe with me. If you keep doing well in school, we can come back here and get it for her.”

Well if he could get a free gift out of it then there was no shame in admitting it.

“Thanks...but please please keep it a secret. If Amy found out she’d never let me hear the end of it.”

“My sister was the same way Neil.” His father held out his pinky and kneeled down the small bit he had to to reach eye level with Neil. Neil smiled and linked their pinkies together, a small promise being made.


	3. Rain in the Irish Hills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wip

“I’m surprised you kept it. The tax on this thing runs high.”

Neil wasn’t fully awake. He had been the one to shuttle them to the orbital elevator which on it’s own had taken hours. The ride down the AEU elevator had still left them with another flight to take. Never could he sleep on trips like that. It was troublesome to doubt trained pilots and conductors but he had simply made it a part of his routine during travels like these. However, his gaze now was out of the window and drearily followed the trees as they passed by. Lyle’s driving reminded him of their father. The backroads they traversed were hilly and some hadn’t been completely redone so they were still quite bumpy with potholes here and there. Neil couldn’t much tell with Lyle at the wheel. He could trust him with no reservations and so his eyes slipped closed, little droplets of rain tickling his nose.

“It wasn’t that big of an expense. Not to brag, but my paycheck was no small thing.”

The straight tone in Lyle’s voice betrayed the proud smile that had made its way over his face.

“When I first got the title for it I thought it was some kind of test from you. Like you were seeing how long it’d take for me to lose it and call you to get it back.”

Neil tiredly laughed and Lyle joined in. He enjoyed hearing that laugh. It was as cute as it had always been when he told a bad joke late at night. While it hadn’t entirely been the truth of his thoughts back then, Lyle had considered feigning the difficulty of keeping up the car if it meant he could see his brother. He’d gladly take the hit to his credit. 

In the end he had decided against it, trading his little smart car in for the more refined look of the luxury car and determining to give Neil a ride one day to show off how well he’d done despite the challenge.

Lyle looked over to Neil who had finally closed his eyes and drifted off to get a little sleep before they arrived. They had been travelling all day. The sun had set by the time they’d first gotten into the car after the airport and the forecast of soft rain had only tempted his brother more towards sleep. Rain had always been the sweetest lullaby, a sure sign of home. Lyle rolled up the window as the rain began to fall harder. It wouldn’t be fun if either of them got sick and had to spend their little get away in bed gulping down homemade stew. While it didn’t sound bad it wasn’t ideal at all.

In space there was no rain. No soft, uneven pitter patters to lull someone off to sleep. No snow in the winter although the stars and the GN particles did give an impression of it to those who had never seen the real thing. Space would always be somewhere mystic in his mind despite all the time he’d spent on the ship staring into it. Tieria somehow prefered to live there as opposed to the beautiful lands of earth. It would always baffle him.

  
  


He knew the road like the back of his hand so he could afford to let his mind wander a little. His thoughts inevitably turned to the sibling beside him who had dozed off entirely.

Setsuna was an odd man. First he had sent the enigma that was Graham Aker to them and then Laetitia soon after saying they were the help. After that, they had been able to continue their operations with pretty much a full team. For a while they operated just like that, seeing no issue but apparently Veda had or perhaps it was just a convenient coincidence. One day Ian had said he was going with Milenia to one of their bases to get improved weaponry for the gundams and another surprise from Setsuna. Considering his journey, they had partially expected to gain another ally who was not from their planet, however unlikely it might have seemed. The two hadn’t been gone long enough to return with a surprise like that yet but they had all eagerly hoped for it somewhere in their hearts.

When Ian had arrived back at the Ptolemy with the “surprise”, the meister had been earthside at the time, dealing with some Humarist sects due to the lack of resources of the Earth Federation Army. It would be months until they would finish the clean up for this and be able to go back up to their home base. Before the meister made their way back up to the ship, they had all wondered what the surprise would be. Allelujah and Marie had hoped it would be another combat operator since the opening had been there since as long as they could remember. Lyle had agreed, not wanting to deal with the extra shifts that had been pushed on the meister. Graham had immediately wanted to fight whatever it was which, for a man his age, seemed so childish but even Lyle had wondered about the strength if it was something sentient like the ELS. Laetitia however, had known what it was. He didn’t tell anyone that but the way he held himself while everyone spoke about it, Lyle could tell he knew. He wasn’t Tieria but he had carried a similar mannerism. He couldn’t help but hold his head just a bit higher and stay suspiciously silent when the topic was brought up.

When the meister had arrived back to the ship, they had expected to see their surprise first but Feldt had smiled and advised everyone to get some rest even though she knew no one would rest without seeing it. She had been that way when Ian first came back after all. They had all followed her to the bridge and to the delight of many, they saw someone they didn’t recognize filling a space that had been empty for far too long.

Lyle knew before he had seen the face just because of how he had rested. He was a bit surprised but other emotions canceled that out.

“Neil?”

His voice carried more confusion than any hopefulness. He didn’t need to be when he already knew there was no mistake.

Neil pulled the book from over his face and looked at the upside down image of his fellow meister. Pushing up out of the seat he turned around to face everyone.

That was how he made his great re-entrance into their lives.

He didn’t explain other than saying it was the same situation as Graham, which to anyone who knew how the process between the ELS and humans worked was complete bullshit, but he never said more. His recovery, because despite his ‘assimilation’ he had still needed regeneration, had gone on while everyone else was working down on earth. 

  
  


It had been almost a year since then and things hadn’t changed nearly as much as Lyle feared they would have. There was confusion that ended with them both agreeing to use their names and Lockon which Neil had found hilarious. 

Lyle had always been scared of him and Neil becoming the same person in people’s eyes but now despite being called by the same name, the people who used it seemed to know better than anyone ever that the two were nothing alike. Neil had never tried to slight his brother, in fact Neil had easily stayed away from Lyle when Lyle didn’t want him around. Unless he could tell Lyle was joking, he knew when to stay back. Even then there was a distance he kept but it seemed now that he had discarded it entirely. Lyle wasn’t sure how to feel about it but soon came to find that he enjoyed it. He’d rather be annoyed by his living brother than miss his dead one.

Irish skyscrapers greeted them now as they traveled to Lyle’s abode. Neil wasn’t sure if his place hadn’t been torn down so just to be safe, Lyle’s condo was where they’d stay. It was difficult to hide his joy at being able to welcome his big brother into his home.


	4. Old Friends and Open Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wip, A-Laws Neil AU

"Is Saji doing well?"   
The innocent question held too much meaning to her. Even if she hardly got along with Setsuna, she knew that he wasn't a bad person. Saji would never stick with him if he was.

"He's in space working on colony development."  
Setsuna didn't smile but his face seemed less terse than normal as he spoke. 

Saji had really made it up there. Maybe, once this was over she could join him. The thought put a sheepish smile on her face.  
"I'm glad to hear it."

She looked over her shoulder, just to be sure none of her superiors saw such a childish thing. First Lieutenant Dylandy had told her to enjoy the party and she knew the man had meant it and meant it well but she couldn’t help but feel it’d make her look like a kid. Like she wasn’t serious about what she was doing.   
Sure enough, he was keeping an eye on her from the pavilion. Curiously Setsuna’s gaze followed hers and he was frozen stiff. Louise turned back to him and jumped back a litte, surprised at the amount of emotion shown on the otherwise stoic man’s face.

“It can’t be…” he had said barely above a whisper. 

“Oh, have you met Lieutenant Dylandy before? “   
She let a small smile wash over her and waved the man over. The Lieutenant perked up and pointed a finger at himself before making his way over, as big a smile as ever on his face.  
Louise saluted before her arm was gently pushed down by her superior officer. The man had smiled as if to say there was no need. She found it difficult to adjust to him. Nevertheless she continued.  
“Have you two met before? This is Setsuna, he’s a friend from when I studied in Japan.” She introduced the man who still couldn’t wipe the shock off of his face. Louise couldn’t say she wasn’t happy to finally see something other than that thousand yard stare on his face but she could only wonder what the Lieutenant had done to get such a reaction out of him.

Neil tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes, thinking for a moment.   
“Hmm, I can’t say I have, at least not that I recall. He does seem familiar though. I guess he thinks the same if his face is anything to go by.”  
He let out a bubbly laugh and patted Setsuna on the shoulder.

Setsuna jumped out of his skin at the contact and finally the shock had been wiped off of his face. He looked down for a second, still trying to understand this situation.  
It wasn’t possible. He had watched Neil die with his own eyes, hated seeing the images burned into the back of his mind of his failure to save the man who had done so much to protect him and everyone else at every turn, even going so far as to sacrifice himself to even give a chance to everyone. As he looked at this man, he knew it wasn’t Lyle playing some sick prank nor was it any other type of clone. The eyepatch, the hair, and that laugh were all that of Lockon Stratos. His heart couldn’t deny it, but saying that now would be blowing his cover and in front of Louise as well. Saji would have more things to add to the list of reasons for despising him. 

Suddenly, everything was happening all at once. Louise had gripped her head tightly and knelt down by the fountain. She was shaking harshly and Lockon had taken his coat off to wrap around her.  
“Halevy! What’s wrong?”  
Louise could only weakly reach for her purse.

Out of the corner of his eye, Setsuna saw others coming over to help. This wasn’t good. A scene had been caused and if he suddenly ran away he’d be done in before he could even reach his gundam. 

“Is everything alright?”  
Setsuna froze and immediately started thinking of ways to get out of there. That was Billy’s voice. He needed to move and quickly. He started to stand from where he was helping Louise and kept his back to the man. He had a head start at least.

Naturally, Billy had still called out to him. Setsuna really would have liked to refrain from letting this man see him, but he’d already caused him a great deal of pain when he pulled the stunt he did with Sumeragi. He had barely turned his head before he started running.

He didn’t expect to hear gunshots so soon, nor did he expect to feel his left leg almost give out from under him. There wasn’t any pain yet but he knew he would need to get to the ship quickly.

Neil put his gun down and clicked his tongue and turned to Louise. He wasn’t one to abandon those under him and she was no exception. It hurt to let the Celestial Being agent go but there was no other choice.


	5. Silence in the Shadows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wip, A-Laws Neil AU

He didn’t turn back as he floated off but he had heard after someone else left in the other direction. 

He wanted a drink badly. His head had started to hurt from it all. There were images swimming in his mind that felt like dreams but felt all too real to be fabrications of the mind. The recollection of a scene in a dark house between two boys was the one that had bothered him the most. The silence felt similar yet the emotions were far from what they had been back then.

“I want to help you” ,had been said passively.

“Then do well in school” ,had been the quick response.

The stress of making a decision for someone else, of deciding to do something not for yourself but for someone else was overwhelming. The consequences it brought along with it were difficult but it was easier to bear it all on himself. He didn’t want to see someone he cared for in pain again. Somewhere along the line, those intentions had been taken wrong. The assumption that he did it because he didn’t think his brother was capable was something he never forgot feeling the day he’d finally left to go back to the place he’d run away to.

Neil had eventually found himself near the room he’d been put in during his time on this ship. There waiting for him with his gun pulled in hands that shook in a way they hadn’t in years was his brother. His eyes had widened gently and he looked down the barrel before he closed his eyes and held his head down.

“You really loved her a lot, didn’t you.”

“Of course I did. She was the only person on this ship who didn’t look at me like I was somewhere I shouldn’t have been.” 

Neil refrained from stating the obvious as Lyle’s hands tightened around the handle, his finger never finding the trigger. It was like if it had there would be no taking it back. That this had happened. They were alone here. How Lockon knew Neil would be here wasn’t hard to figure but he must have rushed in his rage to make it there before he did.

Anything Neil said now would reach Lyle’s heart, for better or worse.

“Because she didn’t know me.”

The words were unspoken in Lyle’s response, but it was something he’d felt for a long time. Lyle’s finger hesitated, it had started slipping back.

“You’re wrong! I loved her because she saw me…”

He shook his head and looked down to his feet, like a child who was afraid he’d cry if he met the gaze of his parents.

“Isn’t that the same thing? I don’t blame you for it.”

Neil had taken a step forward.

“To live in someone else’s shadow after having been seen for yourself for so long couldn’t have been easy. I would have run away, but you didn’t. You found a way to keep yourself here.”

He closed his eyes and his hand landed gently on Lyle’s shoulder. Lyle hadn’t even realized he’d lowered the gun, practically having already dropped it.

“It’s difficult but, I guess that’s what makes having a twin so interesting. To find a way to live with each other despite that.”

Neil’s hand had moved to gently ruffle Lyle's hair. His eyes had softened to something impossible to understand and he pulled his brother closer to him, letting his head rest on his shoulder.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, I wouldn’t mind if you hated me for the rest of your life for it.”

“So please, hate me for a really long time, little brother.”


	6. A Reason to Live in This World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drabble, tw:dd/dne

“I...I’ve held a gun before.”

His fourteen year old fingers coiled slowly around the handle and lifted it off the table. 

Their father had started teaching them how to hunt when they were around six or seven. They had, of course, started out with bb pellets and airsoft guns. Something to get them used to the weight in their hand. If they had trouble with that, he could never teach them much more. Trigger discipline was what their father ingrained into them at such an early level. “You could hurt someone if you don’t practice it.” Eagerly the two boys had always made sure their fingers never found the trigger unless they had a target. 

Part of him thinks their father regretted letting them pick up the hobby. When they went to the beach, the two of them always had precise aim with their water guns and chased him around for hours, soaking his favorite casual shirt. Their mother had playfully thanked them as that shirt had been the most hideous in his closet and she had been trying to find a way to tell him. Their sons had done it for her in a way that didn’t hurt Owen’s feelings too much and she had given them the gift of her homemade brownies the night after as thanks. 

They had even tasted sweeter than usual as an extra thanks.

“I’ve shot it before.”

His aim was impeccable be it a target on the range or one of the rabbits that terrorized their mother and Amy’s garden. The range goers had always been surprised that at ten his eyes were already so well trained and his patience was unyielding when it came to moving targets. It was around then that Lyle had decided to drop it. Neil had done his best to convince him to pick it back up again. When his power as the older brother didn’t work, he had begged their father to make Lyle continue but that had led to a long conversation Neil hated to remember. “You two won’t always see eye to eye or be together.” Those were words his own father had told him and when he started crying as if he was five years old again his father continued. “The best thing you can do for each other is understand that and support one another despite it.” He didn’t want to support his little brother leaving him behind but when he recalled all the time Lyle had blown up about being compared to him, he truly wondered who left who behind. Without Lyle by his side, he had learned exactly where the most vital parts were. The places where death came semi-instantaneously. While things did still twitch afterwards, there was no time to consciously process that they had just been killed. Their mother had a long talk with their father after Neil had told her about how he’d killed the rabbit she was using to make a quick snack out of. Neil, Amy, and Lyle had all overheard it. Their mother wasn’t upset, she was simply concerned about how that’d affect Neil. It was that conversation which made it abundantly clear to all of them why despite what some other kids said about parents, they never had to worry about theirs. Their father had said it would have been worse if he hadn’t taught him. “If his aim had somehow gotten worse after I told him, I would have made him quit.” 

It was hearing that which made Lyndsay breath a sigh of relief. “He’s going to be a great man one day because of you.” She had understood his full intentions in such a short conversation. It was after that when their three children had gagged at the lovey dovey way they held each other. They might have acted that way but they were all glad that their parents were like that.

  
  


“It shouldn’t be so hard to do this...so why…”

Neil’s whole body tingled, every nerve had begun sending the same message as if a plea. Don’t. It’s not a good idea. You shouldn’t.

The message of his body was trampled by the will of his heart. He wanted to see everyone again. He couldn’t take being alone. He could hardly take it when he had been left before, and now everyone was gone. His extended family were strangers to him and he wouldn’t be able to love them like he had loved his real family.

“God, it didn’t seem difficult for that bastard to blow himself and the rest of my family up, so why can’t I pull this trigger like I have a thousand times before?”

Hearing himself, it was the clearest his voice had sounded since he’d left the hospital. Tears had left his eyes by the time he’d been brought in but his voice had still been a quiet mimic of it’s former self. He had been lucky to only be brought in with a fracture in his lower ribs and foot. Nothing serious enough to even require him being here, but because of the scale of the incident, his crying, and his young age the people around him had been kind enough to bless him with a spot that belonged to someone in far worse condition than him. Any of the other Dylandy’s should have been here but no, it was the dumb eldest who’d run to get a balloon for his youngest sibling and left them sitting there, waiting on him. He could be easily healed with time, but the others around him...there was nothing in this world that could heal those people with time and even worse, there were those who hadn’t even made it in for treatment and had simply died in the pitiful rubble that used to be a mall.

As if God had an answer to his question, he heard the familiar click of the front door unlocking and rushed to stand up. He hastily put the gun down in the chair he had been sitting in. It was difficult, but he willed himself to rush out of the kitchen and look to see who had intruded on the home he would no longer be able to live in.

Lyle stood at the door, breath harsh and his body soaked with rain Neil hadn’t even realized had started. That rain served well in hiding the tears dripping down his brother’s face, however it couldn’t hide the redness under his eyes or the sorrow that laced his usually bored face.

“They...they still haven’t found them.”

Like the little brother he hated acting like, Lyle had ran up and hugged Neil impossibly tight. It was hard to remember a time when Lyle held him this close and didn’t push away like the brat he loved being.

“I was sent home by a nurse...she said they’d call…’

“They might call tonight...a lot of people are being brought in.”

His little brother’s voice couldn’t stop cracking and his body shook with the tearful breaths he’d take between words. It was obvious he wanted to act tough. Neil would let him if only just this once.

“I’m staying up.”

Neil hadn’t realized he’d just been standing there staring into the darkness of the room until suddenly he felt just how soaked Lyle was in his arms.

“You shouldn’t do that, you’ll catch a cold.”

He hugged Lyle back as tightly as he could before he gently stepped out of the embrace. He peeled Lyle’s jacket off of him and let it drop to the floor.

“Take a shower and go to sleep.”

“But bi-“

Lyle had started to speak but Neil put a hand over his mouth and looked Lyle in the eyes that resembled his so much. 

“Mom and dad would be sad if you got sick waiting on them. We’ll visit tomorrow and ask, together.”

Neil had started walking Lyle upstairs, holding him close to his side and letting his younger brother’s head lean on his shoulders. While tears mixed with rain were still falling down his cheeks, he seemed to calm down a little more.

Neil had started the bath water, choosing one of his soaps to bubble up the water. At a time Lyle might have prefered to run a quick shower to hurry to bed, but Neil knew a soothing soak would do Lyle better tonight. Before, Lyle might have complained about using Neil’s scented soap but as he sat on the edge of the bath beside his brother, he could tell Neil was too tired to argue with him. For once he’d put up with it, not just because of the tiredness in his brother’s eyes, but because he needed the smell of something familiar that didn’t seem so distant to everything. In truth, Neil was too tired to even move at all, but he did and even went so far as to idly talk with Lyle about his time at the dorm. Anything to keep his mind distracted.

Lyle had started to get ready for the bath and as such Neil was leaving the room but turned after he felt a light tug on his black coat’s sleeve. He had wanted to ask as childish as it had felt to think but he was glad that Lyle seemed to understand where he was coming from. On any other day, Neil would have teased Lyle about knowing him so well but today, silence was a better answer.

After bathing together like they hadn’t since before Amy had even been conceived, Neil lended Lyle a spare pair of his pjs. Neil left his phone on his dresser. Rather than take the guest room like he did on his trips home for the holidays, Lyle had jumped into Neil’s bed and didn’t let go of his warm older brother even after falling hard into sleep.

Neil watched him calmly and for the first time since that morning he smiled. Even as tears filled his eyes he kept smiling down at his brother.

He could recall now why it was so difficult.

There had never been a time in his life when he had seen Lyle run so fast up to him. He could never remember Lyle saying his name so desperately. The hug he’d been forced into at the time had aggravated his chest in two ways. Lyle hadn’t cared, he had simply been glad that there was something there to aggravate unlike the rest of their family who had been MIA still.

He told Lyle to sleep, but he couldn’t find it in him to close his eyes. It felt like if he did this would all disappear and it would have just been god giving him a final good memory before welcoming him through the gates of heaven to meet the rest of their family. 

He wanted to see them. More than anything in the world he had hope to see that it was just a cruel nightmare he’d given himself after watching the movie his mother had told him not to. 

  
  


There were too many “what-if” thoughts in his young mind that he wanted to stop but closing his eyes did not make them cease. It was impossible to stop thinking about all the things that could possibly be happening to him.

It seemed no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts and dreams wouldn’t be kind to him.

When he was in the hospital, he had told Lyle the story he had wanted to believe, the one that would be easier on them both. It was better to have at least the chance of their family being saved. Neil’s memories however were not as kind to him.

He remembers. He remembers all too vividly. The blood that seeped from the door and pooled just underneath the car. His mother’s kind and beautiful face smashed up against the car window and obscured by the blood that had been forced out of her due to the impact of the rubble that had crushed in the room of the car. The car that had been ready to pull off once Neil had come back with that damn balloon he didn’t even have the time to get.

There had been one fragment of hope. Amy had been sitting in the back on their mother’s side but he couldn’t see her like he could easily see what used to be his mother. 

It was a stupid idea. It was beyond stupid to try and open the door, even touch it at all. His mind however had stopped working in the way it normally did and had seemed to forget. He walked up to it and tried his best to pull the door open. It wasn’t locked, he could tell as much from how the handle felt under his hand. However it still wouldn’t open. There was a slight squelch he’d heard after pulling on it with as much force as his fourteen year old self could muster but after a moment his hands felt like they were going numb. He couldn’t hear himself at all but he must have been screaming if the way one of the rescue workers came over and grabbed him had been anything to go by. He couldn’t process it back then. There was no way he’d be able to live if he acknowledged why everyone had died.

Was it his fault for taking too long getting the balloon?

Was it Amy’s fault for asking him to in the first place?

Was it their mother’s fault for not letting Amy get one on the way in?

Was it their Father’s fault getting off of work later and making them leave later than they’d planned?

Was it Lyle’s fault for pushing their time of departure even farther when he said he couldn’t make it in time?

Was it the fault of strangers who made them wait in such god awful lines the whole day?

  
  
  


Was it the fault of God for allowing such an atrocity to happen? 

His eyes shot open and he was glad he hadn’t woken Lyle up. He could feel the quick pace of his breath and his mind continued to run wild with the images he’d seen that afternoon. He wanted to curl up and cry. More than anything his mind told him he wanted to run down and finish what he’d started earlier. A bullet to the head would be kinder to him than having to live with these...these images and memories and feelings in his head.

That was what he’d thought at least until his eyes wandered from the roof back down to the brother who had settled for using his chest as a pillow. His thoughts had quickly dissipated and the tears he had been doing his best to stop had finally done so. He could smile as he looked onto the face that was identical to his aside from the blemish Lyle sheepishly covered up anytime Neil mentioned it.

A single thought prevailed as his mind finally cleared and he was able to close his eyes without a worry about the day’s events.

  
  
  


“Lyle, I’m glad that I could be born your older brother. No matter what, I promise I’ll protect you.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In one of the s1 00 novels, rather than follow the s2 interpretation of the Dylandys being in the mall, it describes Neil’s memory of the scene being that his family was killing in a car that had been crushed by rubble instead.
> 
> Judging from what’s shown in S1 ,A scene that highlights Neil looking at the car in the flashback from Neil himself ,and S2 ,The scene where the Dylandys are in the mall itself from a Setsuna’s telling of events, I think it’s very likely that Neil chose to lie and keep the actual details of the event to himself because it’s too traumatizing to actually speak about having seen what happened to his family himself so the easier to tell interpretation(if there ever was one) would be that he never saw and only knew after the fact of the event that they died.


End file.
